Yes, we saw this one too. And everything negative you heard about the film was spot on, leaving the fate of the FANT4STIC franchise in a state of limbo and despair.

The sheer fact that this movie made it to theaters in what appears to be a very rough cut of the film is extraordinary in and of itself, though FOX was very adamant about pushing the franchise, even though a large portion of comic book fans would not put the F4 in their Top 10 favorite heroes or superhero groups. Regardless, a star-studded cast and a knowledgeable passionate director could not save this film from being in the Top 10, Top 5, and maybe even the Top 2 worst big-budget superhero films of all time.

While we are unlikely going to be able to tell you something new about what was wrong with this film, it is still the duty of the Geek Outpost staff to watch and review films as they come along, even if they have a 9% Rating on Rotten Tomatoes (compared to the 37% Rating of Rise of the Silver Surfer).

Without any more lingering, here is everything wrong with FANT4STIC…

The Plot

First, let me say that there are no spoilers here. Everything that happens is cliché, been done before in the previous films, and offers nothing new. This movie has absolutely NOTHING that goes on that would surprise you. So, read on, you know the plot, or at least a better version of it in the previous franchise version. Because this film, is atrocious.

The second worst thing about FANT4STIC is the unnecessary history of Reed Richards and how he hangs out with Ben Grimm in his garage tinkering with a dozen N64 consoles and Erector Sets to create an interdimensional portal that could potentially evolve into a black-hole capable of swallowing the earth (no, seriously. At least a dozen N64 consoles are shown exuding some crazy power input… for some arbitrary reason).

So Reed and Ben spend a bunch of time as kids digging through Ben’s family’s junk yard looking for car parts for the aforementioned dimension gateway, when they grow up and get noticed by Franklin Storm (Reginald “Reg” E. Cathey) during their high school science fair. From their first meet, Franklin offers a scholarship to work at the Baxter Building (not a college, but okay) to develop a large portion of the interdimensional door to send people through, blah blah blah, nothing happens, Ben Grimm is left behind and ignored for the next 30 minutes and we do not even see what he is up to, blah blah blah, nothing happens. VICTOR VON DOOM! Yay, right? No. Not yay.

Victor is a young twenty-something hacker/slacker, with a beard, long hair, who spends his time locked in his apartment with all the windows covered while eating Doritos and drinking soda and playing video games. WHAT?! WHY?!?

Well Victor, Reed, Johnny Storm (who shows up after a street racing accident and needs money for a new car) build the interdimensional portal traveling unit thing (WE ARE 1 HOUR INTO THE FILM AT THIS POINT), until the military/government come in and take it away. The 3 guys get drunk, call Ben Grimm to come hang out (Ben has not been in the movie for the past 45 minutes leading up to this point) and decide to be the first to travel to the other dimension.

Sue Storm (Kate Mara) shows up, gets upset, and tries to hack the alternate dimension and bring them back when Victor is consumed by some green alien soup and he falls behind. The other three make it back, the ensuing transport home causes a chain reaction that covers most of NYC but only impacts Sue and that’s how they get their powers… yep.

They later find Victor when traveling BACK to the dimension a year later and he is alive having presumably survived by… NO IDEA. They do not explain where he was, what he did, what he ate or drank, he just sat there for a year and found a cloth that looked like a bed sheet which he wears as a cloak. Victor gets angry that humans are destroying earth, and now they want to tamper with the new dimension that he believes is his for some reason, and decides to destroy both? Okay… Final battle ensues, good guys win, they use their powers for less than 8 minutes through the whole entire film.

The CGI

Despite the lengthy budget that allowed the film to go through countless re-shoots and bring on a cast of stars, the CGI was laughably bad, and the only time I laughed during the film at all. In fact, I was in a theater that seats 100 people only joined by a family of 4, all of which who did not laugh or seem to enjoy the film at all. The Thing looked like play-doh, though he was arguably the best part of the film in terms of visuals. However, that did not stop the backdrop and background of the other dimension, referred to as “Planet Zero” looking like the worst use of green-screen we have ever seen. Victor Von Doom takes the cake, though. Its explained that his body fused with his suit and somehow that made his entire body look like silicone with silver spray paint all over it. Dr Doom, who was a horrible character/villain anyway, looks like what would happen if you put aluminum foil in the microwave and then tried to stamp out the resulting fire with sauerkraut.

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What We Wanted:

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What We Got:

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The battle sequence between the FANT4STIC and Doom was not even a fight. They basically just pushed him into the portal and his body was incinerated, for some reason… And then the F4 use the same portal to travel back home just fine through the use of Sue’s force fields and Johnny’s flame powers… Right.

Exposition

Definition: a comprehensive description and explanation of an idea or theory.

The entire movie is exposition. Nothing but talking, and science stuff that clearly makes no sense, and montages of building the device that helps them travel to Planet Zero. Then talking to the government, planning on using Planet Zero’s resources to turn the military into super soldiers (because they can control evolution and how the elements of Planet Zero were understood to the point of controlling the experiments and GOD JUST F*CK THIS MOVIE).

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This was a MUCH better film:

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And so was this:

And…

There really is nothing to this movie. I went in thinking that perhaps my $15 was worth walking away laughing at how lousy the film turned out but instead I walked out pissed with the realization that it was honestly the worst experience I have had at the movies his year despite knowing how bad the reviews were. If FOX knows whats best, they will sell the rights back to Marvel who can do it right, as bringing the cast into the X-Men universe at this point would make literally no sense and likely be written into such an illogical non-sensical plot as to why they’re crossing over, that they would likely ruin whatever movie contained said crossover.

If my final word is anything other than negative, it’s that you can go on knowing you saved yourself $15 by not seeing this movie as you will absolutely regret it if you do. See it or don’t, your life will be just a little brighter that day you choose NOT to see FANT4STIC.

FANT4STIC stars Kate Mara, Miles Teller, Michael B Jordan, and Jamie Bell. The film was directed by Josh Trank, and will likely be the sole reason his career fell apart.